all in a song

"Music is what feelings sound like."--unknown

Music is my therapy. Well, besides my blog. Whenever I am in a certain mood- good or bad, sad or happy, crazy or subdue-I have those two outlets. I either turn on music and blast it loud, singing with it or just taking the lyrics in, or I turn on my computer, and begin to blog. Both are therapeutic, and unfortunately, for ya'll, one is very public!

It has now officially been a month since the NICU (read about that here). I feel like people think I should be over this by now, which it has, thankfully, been a very healthy month in the Hobbs household. But I just can't stop thinking, talking, and dwelling on the events that took place. I have good and bad emotions regarding the situation, but for me, it is helpful to think and talk about them.  Now that the initial shock has worn off, I like talking about what happened, how I was feeling during it, and the way the Lord really used the situation to bring himself glory. I feel like I need to do this for two reasons: one, because it is helpful for me to replay it in my head. Not necessarily the part where he almost died, but the different events of the day. It reminds me how great my God is and reminds me how I could have never gone through that situation alone. It reminds me I am not alone. The second reason is because I truly believe Bennett went through that (and me and Tyler), so that people would see the goodness of God and how he answers prayer. How am I supposed to share how God worked in our lives if I don't talk about it? So there, I am very sorry, but you will be hearing about the NICU for awhile...I am so thankful for the outcome, but I am also thankful for the experience and how it grew us emotionally and spiritually.

While Tyler, Cayden, and I were waiting in the family room, waiting to hear if our son was alive, I snuck away to the bathroom and just cried. I couldn't let either of them see me just lose it. I had a very intimate moment in there where I just sang "God is so Good", a BSF child's hymn that they sing to Cayden in the children's program. So often I sang that to Cayden throughout the year since it was a song he knew full well, hearing it every week. I just sang it out loud...not very well, fighting to sing a note through tears, but I sang it and thought about every word.

"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, he's so good to me."

Music is a language I speak. I can't explain how much this meant to me. I knew these words in my head, but singing these words made me feel it in my heart. I knew God was good and no matter the outcome, he was STILL good.

I have not shared that moment with anyone, not even Tyler, because it was such an intimate, personal moment, where I began to let myself let go. I let go of my emotions, and I let go of control-not that I had any in the first place. I relinquished "control" of my eight day old and gave him to God, still begging him to save Bennett.

After the NICU, I couldn't listen to music. When we got to the car to take Bennett home, Tyler turned on the radio and I made him turn it off. Like I said, music is my therapy, but at this moment in time I didn't want to release emotion. I just wanted to sit in silence and think about what happened....all I wanted to think about was the fact that Bennett was in his car seat, alive, and on his way home. I didn't want to dwell on all that took place, or think about the state he was in before, or all the details of exactly what happened. Music would pull all of that emotion out of the pit that I was keeping it in right now.

On Sunday, during our worship service at church, I began to dwell on the words we were singing...and those emotions did a full escape of the pit I was hiding them in. Here I was, holding my precious, HEALTHY six week old in the baby bjorn, while he silently slept, singing to my Savior who saved him. We were singing "From the Inside Out" by Hillsong. I was thinking about each word I was singing and tears just poured out.

"Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame"

"In my heart, in my soul

I give you control

Consume me from the inside out

Let justice and praise

Become my embrace

To love you from the inside out"

I soaked up every word. "Your will about all else"--thanking him that his will was for Bennett to live. "My purpose remains"--I need to talk about it and praise him to everyone around me, because the purpose in this was to point people to the healing power of my Jesus, my savior. "The art of losing myself in bringing you praise" "Your light will shine when all else fades"--I was at the end of my rope, I had nothing else to turn to, he was the only power who could heal my son. "In my heart, in my soul, I give you control, consume me from the inside out"--The only thing I could do was be willing to give Bennett over to Jesus. I never had control, but as his mom, he was mine to protect, mine to fight for, mine to hand over. No one cares more about Bennett, then his creator, and I had to know that and remember that. 

This flood of emotion was so much to handle. I stopped and closed my eyes and thanked Jesus for saving my son (something I will probably do every single day of his life). I held on to Bennett tightly and told him I loved him. His sweet sleeping face just winced- I probably squeezed a little too tight ;). 

I am so thankful for music and the emotions it pulls out of me. These were all good emotions to release and it was a great reminder of why we worship. It gave me new meaning of worshiping our creator, our healer, and our redeemer. 

cherishing the moments

This past week everyone started back to school. There were some people who posted pictures on Facebook and I couldn't believe how old their children had gotten!! It got me a little teary eyed thinking that in a blink of an eye Cayden will be going to kindergarten, and for that matter, Bennett too! Whenever you have your own children you realize just how fast the days and years fly by. It was a great reminder for me to cherish every single moment. Because those moments come and go. My sister Jenni writes a blog here (it's amazing & so uplifting)...and one of her posts was about how God designed life to move (this one). It would be ridiculous to stay in one stage of life forever. It is a good thing that babies grow into toddlers, and toddlers grow into children, and children grow into teenagers, and teenagers grow into adults, and adults grow into the elderly---(we eventually get wise ;)). This is all natural and designed to keep life moving. But with all of that said, it goes by...so.fast. I now get why my parents were astounded on my wedding day, imagining I was still a little girl. Life is supposed to move which makes me happy, but still tears of joy flood my eyes thinking how big and independent my boys are growing to be. A very bittersweet thing.

With all of that being said, I want to cherish every memory I have with my littles (often how I refer to Cayden & Bennett :)). Every month I am going to try to post their ages with a picture and their favorite activities...I'm thinking it will help me remember when I get to that elderly stage!! Since their lives are flashing before my eyes, I want to remember a lot about each milestone.  (I can't believe Bennett will be 2 months in a few weeks!!) So bear with me, I will be posting a lot about thoughts and things that go on in our lives, but I will also be posting about my boys' milestones every month. It helps remind me that them growing up is a GOOD thing.

Remember that time is a gift and life is precious. Cherish every moment.

Snuggling with my babies <3

#miracle

Wednesday night everything was fine. I was enjoying my two boys, Tyler was at his kickball game, and I was just putting Cayden down for bedtime. Bennett and I were just watching some tv as Tyler got home from kickball. Something was bothering me a little bit, Bennett just hadn't been eating as awesome as he had been since coming home from the hospital. I told Tyler and both of us remembered Cayden having a couple days that he didn't eat as well when he was a newborn so I said I'd see how he did overnight and then call the pediatrician in the morning if it wasn't the same still. Well, that night Bennett (who has been waking me up at night, as a newborn should) slept from 10pm to 5am. I woke up at 5 and woke him up and tried feeding him, he still wouldn't eat a lot, he ate for a few minutes but still not the same. I put him back in bed and woke up at 7 and the same thing...

We left to go get our car from the Ford dealership, as it had been there for two days getting fixed. My pediatrician's office is literally next door, so I called her and she said yes, bring him in, she had an appointment open right then. We took him to the pediatrician and she is seriously the nicest pediatrician ever. I have been going to her since Cayden was two months old and have seen her when Cayden is sick and healthy, and nothing has ever come close to how I saw her today. I could tell in her eyes and the way she was talking that something was wrong. They had taken his temperature, which was 95.8 (low) and when they took it, some blood was in his stool. Both indicators that something was wrong. [side note: I didn't know until this whole thing that newborns actually fight infections with a LOW temperature, not necessarily high]. His was extremely low. She immediately said she wanted us to go to Dell Chidlren's Hospital. She called ahead for us, so when we arrived at the emergency room they knew exactly what was going on. Of course I was a basket case, my baby was going to have to have all of these tests, and I was playing the blame game on myself and how I could have prevented this, etc. etc. Tyler was such a huge support on the car ride over, praying for all of this. It was rush hour traffic (about 9:30 am), but surprisingly, and by God's grace, we got there in pretty good time. 

We called both sets of parents and just to let them know what was going on and they both started praying and telling us to let them know what the ER said. That's the last info they knew.

Tyler got Cayden out of his car seat, I got Bennett out of his, and we went inside. We thought we may be here a couple of hours because of the tests, so I was deciding who could come get Cayden, but I thought I'd wait until we knew more information regarding Bennett, before we called anyone. 

They quickly got us back in triage, where they weighed him (he had lost 1lb since his weight check at the doctor on Monday), and they took his temperature again, it was down to 95.1. They took us down some hallway to a small ER room and we put Bennett in a hospital gown, and answered the many questions the Dr. asked. He was in his residency and told us he wasn't very confident in what to do for Bennett because his only symptoms were not eating and low temperature, so he went and got his boss, the attending Dr. She was very nice and told us they were going to take a thousand tests to eliminate what it could be. We were perfectly fine with that. One of the tests was a lumbar puncture. They asked Tyler and Cayden to step out of the room and I told them I wanted to stay, so they let me. 

The next part of the day is all super slow motion, and somewhat a blur. Unfortunately, I will never get this day out of my head. All I can tell you is while I was a complete mess emotionally, Tyler and I still felt and clung to God's goodness all around us. 

The Dr. and nurses in the room were all around him about to do the lumbar puncture when I saw all of his vitals they were monitoring drop, his arms dropped below his side (the Dr. was holding him up), his face go purple, and the Dr. yell, "Wake up baby, wake up baby," as she started rececitating him. They got out a child size green bag and started doing CPR on him. I lost it. I was shaking. I was praying. After studying Genesis this year, all I could think about in this instance was Abraham being willing to sacrifice Isaac, because he knew God loved Isaac even more than he did. God spared Isaac due to Abraham's faith. All in this 30 seconds of realizing my son was not breathing, I ran through this and I said in my head, "Lord, I am willing to give you Bennett, but please don't make me do that." I just kept praying that he would perform a miracle and save Bennett. Save my baby's life. 

The doctors and nurses all ran out of our room with Bennett, still doing CPR. They went to some huge room down the hall. I followed. Tyler saw all of us run out of the room, picked up Cayden, and ran towards me. I yelled down the hall, "Tyler, he stopped breathing!" I see my husband start running as fast as he can, holding Cayden, crying like I have never seen him cry. We are a mess. Cayden, was being so good, realizing something was wrong, and just playing with a toy car and reading a book that the hospital staff had brought him. I wasn't worried about someone coming to get Cayden at this point, he can stay with us. We needed him. I couldn't call anyone, I just couldn't bring to life the fact that one of my sons was literally not breathing. I finally was able to call my dad, who I could tell was fighting back tears as well, and ask him to have all of BSF headquarters just stop and pray. I think my exact words to him on the phone were "Dad, he stopped breathing, please have everyone pray. Please just pray my baby stays alive." He said he was on his way to Austin, and would get my mom. My mom kept trying to call but too much was going on, her voicemails were really hard to listen to. I couldn't even understand her, she was a mess too. I had to delete them...I never, ever want to listen to those again. She was crying and praying in the voicemail, but I could tell her heart was not steady. She was afraid too. My mom is one of my solid anchors, and this was even too extreme for her. Next I called my mother in law, she was at a loss for words, and said, "Christina, we're on our way." 

We were still in the giant surgery room at the end of the hall. There were probably 20 doctors/nurses surround Bennett, we couldn't see him, we could only hear him. And it was silent. Tyler and I just kept saying, "Come on Bennett, cry, cry, cry...." But still nothing. It had now been, what seemed like a lifetime. I think it had really been 45 minutes of them just trying to save his life. One of the hospital social workers came up to me (just doing her job), and asked, "Do you know what's going on mommy?" I felt like screaming! Yes I knew what was going on...my baby was not breathing. He was about to die. I just cried and said, "Yes, he stopped breathing." She nodded and asked how I felt. Again, felt like screaming. But I said, "Well, I'm 8 days post-partum, plus this." She just sat next to me in silence. 

Tyler and I are just interlocked by our arms and interacting with Cayden, and praying out loud for the whole time we're in that terrible room. Finally, the Dr. comes over to me and says a ton of things (again, such a blur), but I hear, "He is stabilized  for now, so we're going to have the NICU come get him and take him up there." Good, I was okay with that. We were at a children's hospital, but the NICU specifically would know an eight day old baby, and would be taken care of even better (the ER Dr. was fabulous). 

The NICU nurse arrived downstairs with the incubator shortly after. Finally I could see Bennett. He looked so grey, so small, and so helpless. A view a mom never wants to see. Tyler, Cayden, and I were able to ride the elevator with the nurses & Bennett, while they continued to bag him with air. 

We arrive on the NICU floor and they run him into his hospital room. There are already three doctors in there waiting, along with about ten nurses. [Later on we found out that there are NEVER three doctors in one room. Bennett was in bad shape.] The doctors immediately start asking us a ton of questions, the same ones that we answered in the ER. I am trying to dig in my mind for the answers. At this point, I have no memory, no words. My mind is just clouded with thoughts of "what if my baby dies?" The doctors asked us to take Cayden out to the family room while they stabilize Bennett and start some tests (they still had to get the lumbar puncture). We took Cayden out to the family room where there were toys and books and balls. 

Both Tyler and I have decided this was one of the worst parts of the whole day. The last time we were in a family room, was when our good friend Dr. Chuck died. We did not have good memories in the family room. Not only that, we were now going to have to entertain Cayden with the books and balls while in our heads we were unsure if our newborn was going to survive, and with both of us feeling like we just wanted to vomit. 

We made a few calls while in the family room. We called a couple from our small group (as we were supposed to host small group that night...and wouldn't be), and we called Tyler's best friend at work so his work would be updated on why he wouldn't be returning as soon as we thought, and I called one of our neighbors to update all our neighbors, as they wouldn't see us home in awhile. We still held off on telling everyone because we just didn't have an answer to anything yet, and also, we just couldn't do it. The five phone calls we had made at this point were the hardest thing and the people we talked to could barely understand either of us. 

I did get one phone call while I was in the family room. I didn't talk, I just nodded, and she knew what I was saying without me even talking. My sister Jenni, who was in complete tears called. I picked up and said nothing, she said, "Elli and I are buying tickets and we're on our way." I said nothing in response but a head nod. But she knew I heard. I said, "I love you." We hung up. I will forever remember that phone call. 

Tyler and I kept glancing at the clock. Still playing with Cayden, we were wondering how much longer. We were preparing for someone to come in and say he didn't make it. We were praying for the best. We were praying we would get to hold our baby. We just wanted to see him. We wanted him to be okay. 

Finally, about an hour later (again, felt like a lifetime), someone came to get us. They taught us all the ins and outs of the NICU, and prepared us for a long stay here. But I didn't care, I would be here a year, if it meant my baby was alive. We scrubbed in and were able to go into Bennett's room. There he was. Laying in an incubator with an oxygen mask, chords, wires, pumps, monitors, a breathing tube. He did not look like Bennett, but he was alive. Praise Jesus, he had saved Bennett. We found out once they stabilized him that he had stopped breathing five times. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. But I knew Jesus had saved him. He spared his life.

I immediately ran to Bennett's side and held his IV'd hand, just sobbing. I had no words except, "Hi buddy. Mommy loves you, daddy loves you, and Jesus loves you. He is holding you in his hands." I think everyone in the room started crying. 

The worst part was not being able to hold him. That's why I had to comfort myself, knowing that Jesus was holding him. He felt the presence of someone holding him...he wasn't just laying in an incubator. 

Cayden kept pointing at Bennett, saying, "Baby?" I hated the question mark. You could tell he was confused. At this point I knew Cayden had to leave. Thankfully, my parents arrived shortly after. They got into the room, also in tears, and just hugged me. They talked to Bennett, and then grabbed Cayden (we tried to make it a fun big deal that he got to go be with Grandma and Grandpa). The three of them left for our house. We still didn't have any answers.

Tyler and I just sat in Bennett's room. All we could hear were the monitors beeping and oxygen pumping. We just cried. I'm running scenarios in my head. What could this be? Did I cause it? Is Bennett going to live? What the heck is going on?

Tyler and I listen to Matt Chandler (an amazing pastor from Dallas), and he has said before, "I have brain cancer and God is good. And those things can't be in conflict." I thought to myself, "Bennett is laying in the NICU and God is good. These things can't be in conflict."  If I learned one thing from my study of Genesis last year, it is that God is sovereign. Knowing this characteristic of him, I never doubted his goodness. Yes I was scared. Yes I was a terrible mess. But I never once doubted God's goodness in and through the situation. He wasn't punishing me, he wasn't punishing Tyler. He had purpose in this "not to harm us, but give us a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). 

While we were just sitting and staring at our sweet little boy, Tyler's parents arrived from Katy. Again, huge relief. Having all of our parents there was just what we needed. We were not alone. At this point, the only answer we had was that he definitely had an infection. And due to that infection, his body responded by dropping his temperature and becoming very lethargic. Lethargic to the point where, due to his age, he just wasn't remembering to breathe. Now they just wanted to figure out what the infection was so that they could help him fight it. Our doctors were very up front with us (they were amazing) and told us it could be days before we knew what was going on. 

About an hour later, they already knew the culprit. The lumbar puncture came back positive for meningitis. We were thrilled we at least knew what was wrong. But now we wait. We wait to find out if it is bacterial or viral. After Jenni had it a few years ago, I knew we needed to pray for viral. Bacterial could have permanent life injury, and would have at least a 3 week NICU stay, viral would be about a week NICU stay (or until Bennett was doing everything on his own 100 percent--breathing, eating, pooping, & sleeping), and would not cause permanent damage. The Dr. said we would know in three days, after the cultures grew, if it was bacterial or viral.

We began to pray this was viral. We didn't wait three days. We waited three hours. AMAZING. According to his glucose, protein, and other levels everything was pointing to viral. Praise Jesus. And finally, a test they received late that night, confirmed it was indeed viral. They still kept him on the antibiotics, just in case any bacteria grew over the next three days, but they said very rarely do bacterial and viral co-exist. Thank you Jesus for giving us such a clear answer so much sooner than we thought. Of course, I was playing the blame game. How did my eight day old get meningitis? They assured me there wasn't anything I could've done or couldn't have done that would have mattered. That they believe he was born with it, as some babies are born with certain spores on their mouths that can either get certain viruses or can't. Bennett's could. [Remember everything was still a blur at this point so all I heard was birth, spores, blah blah blah--so I'm not 100 percent sure what exactly they said!]

Dell Childrens allows families to stay with the baby 24/7. Tyler and I were planning on staying in the recliners in the room with Bennett, but they actually had a "family room" open to stay in, with a double bed and a bathroom. We were able to stay in that room the whole time we were there and be with Bennett at any time. We were so thankful for that accommodation. I still wanted someone in the room with Bennett at night, though, and everyone wouldn't let me (they all said I needed "quality" sleep...like that would happen after a day like today), so my mom & mother in law offered to switch out who was in the room every two hours overnight. What fabulous grandmas ;) Tyler and I were able to get some sleep, but I still woke up at 5am. 

I woke up thinking maybe, just maybe, this had all just been a bad dream. But there I was, laying in mine and Tyler's NICU bedroom. Not a dream at all, but at least Bennett was alive. 

I went into Bennett's room and my mom & Rose were sitting in there talking. I walked in and just cried. They both comforted me. I hated seeing Bennett in the condition he was in, and hated that I still couldn't hold him. He could hear my voice, but he couldn't feel my touch. He had gone 9 months hearing my voice right next to him, and then bam, he was all alone in this incubator. He looked so uncomfortable. He had wires coming out of his mouth, that made him look like he couldn't move his tongue. He had oxygen over his nose which made it look like he was constantly struggling; and he had monitors all over his body which made him look all tangled. I just hated that he looked in pain and uncomfortable. 

I think the nurse could tell I needed to hold him. She got him out of the incubator and asked if I wanted to. UMMMMM YEAH!!! I finally got to hold my baby. I just cried. I just held him and thanked God for him and just talked to him. He wasn't opening his eyes but I know he knew I was there. I told him how much I loved him.

Since the meningitis was viral, they told us they were going to let Bennett determine all the action. If he looked like he could be off oxygen, they'd try it. If he seemed like he could eat, they'd try it. But they still prepared us for a long journey in the NICU. Less than 24 hours in the NICU and they said they were going to take off his oxygen. I was very excited but at the same time worried...what if it didn't work. Tyler assured me if it's not going to work, he's exactly where we want him if he stopped breathing again. So true. They took him off of it around 8 am Friday. He stayed exactly where he needed to be for 24 hours! After the 24 hours, they took the oxygen completely out of the room!!!! My fighter had passed step 1 and my God had proved to everyone how sovereign and good he truly is.

While he was hooked up to the oxygen they would feed him my breast milk through a feeding tube through his nose. When he got off the oxygen they said we think he's ready to eat! I tried breastfeeding but he was just so tired still. He'd latch and just fall asleep. So we did a bottle and he drank so much like a champ! Finally, Saturday morning, he was breastfeeding like normal again! 

Little by little, Bennett was acting normal again. The doctors were amazed, we were amazed, and specifically his nurse was amazed. She had admitted him on Thursday and she told us much later (after he was almost 100 percent) that when they got him on Thursday the whole NICU floor didn't think he was going to make it. 

What a mighty God I serve.

By Saturday afternoon, Bennett had almost every pump, wire, chord, mask, and IV out! The only ones left were the heart monitors. The doctors did their rounds and said as long as nothing happened overnight, Bennett could go home in the morning. I know they were amazed at their answer as much as we were. We were thinking we'd be here much longer, but we were covered in prayer, literally around the world, and God heard, and not only answered, but went above and beyond. I am not surprised.

Sunday morning, we loaded Bennett in the car and got to go home. Finally, our family of 4 was together again. Cayden is so happy and we are thrilled to get back to "normal". 

I'm sure I forgot a lot of detail in the days he was at the NICU. Again, it was a blur. We are so thankful for our family who got to Austin as soon as they could. Our parents, Brandon & Rachel, and Jenni and Elli were here in a heartbeat. Our friends sent messages, posted on facebook, we received phone calls, our small group helped so much, as well as our neighbors! We were just smothered in love and prayers. Thank you for every prayer you prayed and any word of encouragement you sent. I could feel the presence of Jesus all around us and know that it is because of the prayers from all of you for peace. 

As I look back I can see God's hand in so many ways. His grace was surrounding the whole situation. Thursday morning, I didn't shower. That saved us 30 minutes of time (He stopped breathing about 20 minutes after we arrived at the ER). We were already in Austin when we had to go to the hospital, if we were in Leander, he could've stopped breathing while we were in the car, depending on traffic. He didn't stop breathing overnight, or even in the car where we wouldn't necessarily notice. He stopped breathing with a ton of medical professionals surrounding him. By God's grace, he was where he needed to be, when he needed to be there. God had everything orchestrated perfectly. I am both thankful and in awe.

I hope that through this terrible situation, Jesus' light shined. I hope that he was glorified through little Bennett's eight day old life. May he continue to be glorified the rest of Bennett's life. 

[These are hard and terrible pictures, but I feel like I need to post them to show how truly his life is a miracle that only God could do.]

In the ER before he stopped breathing:

All of the doctors and nurses around Bennett trying to get him to breathe again:

How Bennett was when they had him stabilized:

The first time I got to hold him. Does a Mama's heart good:

Talking to him, telling him I love him:

Holding him for the first time:

Oxygen free!!!!!:

Taking his IV's out!!!!:

Only a couple of monitors left!!

 Upgraded to a crib from a warmer (he was maintaining his own temperature):

First time breastfeeding again! Milk drunk :) 

His fabulous day nurse he had all 3 days.

They think we'll go home on Sunday!!!

No more monitors! Ready to go home!!!

The sign they made for his door :) We would rather not be in the NICU but they really do make you feel at "home" and special there!

Ready to go home...waiting to be discharged:

Home at last! All together :)

july 17th, 2013: bennett elijah

Monday night (July 15th) I was up from midnight to 5 am with extremely bad contractions. I would flip sides, still contract; walk around, still contract; take a bath (or 3), still contract. I definitely knew I was having contractions but had no clue when to go t the hospital since I was induced with Cayden. Since I had my 37 week OB appointment scheduled for 9 am Tuesday, I decided to try to fall asleep and just wait for my appointment. I finally fell asleep at 5 am and didn't wake up to anymore contractions, so I figured I was just having braxton hicks. I went to my prenatal appointment and told my doctor what was going on and she checked me to see if I was dilated any. Sure enough, I was dilated 4 cm! WOAH! At this point with Cayden, I was only 1 cm and was 1 cm for a good 4 weeks before I had to be induced! I just couldn't believe I was at a 4! My doctor encouraged me to go home and wait for contractions to get closer together and come to the hospital when they were 5 min apart, or if my water broke. She told me babies all have minds of their own (I know this well from my first pregnancy) and it could be hours, days, or even a few weeks still. Always encouraging when the doctor says that...not! Ha. 

I went home and picked up Cayden from our neighbor's house. I decided to run some errands since it could happen any hour or day. Cayden and I went to the store, ate some lunch, and then we were going to go to target (I decided to skip that so he could take a nap, which turned out to be a fabulous choice ;)). I got home, put Cayden down for his nap, watched one of my shows, and then decided I wanted to get some cleaning done. I decided to start with our bathroom, because the dirtiness was starting to drive me nuts. I cleaned the sink, the toilet, and finally took on the shower. We have tile surrounding the tub and I was reaching up to reach the top tile and jumped a little...needless to say, when I hit the ground from jumping, my water broke. EVERYWHERE. Luckily, I was in the tub and not Target ;) 

I called my neighbor who's water broke with one of her girls, and asked her what it felt like etc. etc. I was not about to go to the hospital just to be sent home. She was in line at Dillards and was telling me exactly how it felt when your water broke. She told me she got some weird stares. :D I called my doctor and explained to her I was pretty sure my water broke and she told me to go to the bathroom to make sure my bladder was empty, put a pad on, and lay in bed for 30 min. After that I needed to call her and tell her if the pad was wet. Well, sure enough, after 30 min all of my nike shorts were drenched. I called Tyler at work (he didn't answer), so I called his friend that works next to him and asked to talk to Tyler. Of course Tyler was uber calm (I guess I was too, surprisingly), and he headed home to take me to the hospital. 

I obviously had a plan for Cayden for when I was supposed to be induced (July 29), our parents were going to alternate who was taking care of him. I just hadn't planned for spontaneous labor...really thinking that would NEVER happen to me ;) Tyler and I went to our neighbor's (thankfully we're all best friends) and asked if we could leave Cayden there until one of our parents showed up, they were so gracious and took him right in!! Thank you Coopers!!! I, thankfully, packed mine & Bennett's bags when I was 36 weeks just in case labor happened spontaneously. Tyler didn't since he just knew I wouldn't go early ;) He ended up coming home to pack a bag after we found out I was admitted. 

We got to the hospital and did the registration (I forgot to mention, when my water broke, the contractions I had been having stopped), so I sat there and answered the questions. Then they took me to triage and sent me in to the bathroom to put on a gown. When I came out they told me they were going to admit me, as they didn't even need to check if my water broke, since it was all over the registration chair. Whoops...

They put me in a labor and delivery room and Tyler and I were so shocked this was happening. Today. This all happened so fast! (side note: I am getting extremely teary eyed writing this...it all just happened so fast, I haven't really thought of the details!) As soon as we knew this wasn't a false alarm, we called our parents (of course it was THE worse time to travel from downtown Houston and up 35 from San Antonio), but they got to the hospital pretty quickly considering. 

My contractions continued pretty evenly but they weren't progressing me enough so they told me they were going to start pitocin. I was familiar with pitocin contractions from Cayden (aka death in a cramp), so I asked for the epideral before I even felt any pain. I waited way too long with Cayden and learned my lesson ;) The anesthesiologist came in really quickly (I was the only one on the labor and delivery floor at the time so I got really great treatment ;)). As soon as the epideral was in, I stopped feeling any pain and it was a pretty smooth road from there, pain wise. After about 2 hours and only progressing 1 cm, they were trying to decide why I wasn't progressing faster. As soon as they broke my water with Cayden, I dilated so fast! They checked me and realized I had two bags of water (apparently some people do) and one of mine was still in tact. She quickly popped that and over the next hour or two I went from 6cm to 10cm...thank goodness I wasn't feeling those contractions. At 10cm I felt the urge to push but was fighting it until the doctor showed up. At this point it was 12:50 am (my 1st water broke at 3 pm). My doctor got there, told me to push, and after 4 pushes and 7 minutes (remember with Cayden I pushed for 3 hours...), little Bennett Elijah was born at 1:03 am, weighing 7lb 8 oz. Yes I am aware that had I gone to my induction date--not even 40 weeks, and he would've weighed more than 9 lbs...I have chunkies.

Such a rush of emotion of course! And I'm bawling just staring my little miracle in the face. After that, Tyler went and got our parents and my neighbor Christy, who waited the whole time at the hospital, and they came back to meet him. It was such a wonderful night, and I couldn't believe he decided to come at 37 weeks, but he is just so perfect. 

My recovery has been amazing this time around. I feel great, except my emotions are haywire. I will be laughing hysterically one minute, and bawling crying the next---over nothing. I keep referencing how "old" Bennett is already (he's 5 days), but I went through this with Cayden too, and it gets better! 

The next morning my in-laws brought Cayden up to meet Bennett and it was better than we expected. Cayden loves the baby and notices him every once in awhile, but he thought my hospital bed buttons and drawers were way more interesting. I just sat there while he moved my bed up and down, and front to back. He was entertained! 

We spent the next day and a half at the hospital, and I can't stop raving about our experience at Cedar Park Medical Center. The staff was amazing, my nurses were truly the best (I cried saying goodbye to them), and we loved that Bennett was with us the whole entire time. They did all of his tests (minus circumcision, thank goodness) in our room, and we really liked that. And yes, I did cry leaving the hospital, but I did that with Cayden too. It's almost like this rush of emotions hits you and you realize this is all real life. The blur of the last 36 hours was real, and you really do have a newborn in the back seat, and he's coming home with you, because he's yours. I can't explain it, but SO EMOTIONAL!!!

We arrived home with a sign made by our neighbors (have we mentioned they're all so great ;)), and went and picked up Cayden from our other neighbor (thanks Christy!), and took the boys inside. We were a family of 4 for the first time. Tyler and I just stood there and took it in. I cried, of course, and I think I made Tyler tear up too ;). That night, Tyler asked what I wanted for dinner, if I wanted him to pick me up something, and I said I needed to get out, so the 4 of us had our first family outing to Fuzzy's Tacos. Before you freak out, I did this with Cayden too, and we sat in a booth, with the baby seat on the inside, with a blanket over it, and no one tried to touch him ;). Everything went well, and we had a wonderful first dinner as four :D

Those 2 days were some of the best of my life (tied with our wedding and Cayden's birth). It is so fun looking back at them and I can't believe it's been 5 days...[cue the tears] ;)

When Tyler's parents got there. (Side note: I am a firm believer of it being just Tyler and I when I push...both sets of parents got to stop in and say hi beforehand. They honored that!)

Those are some strong contractions (that I'm not feeling):

Our room's announcement board:

Tyler and I after being admitted...excited!!!

I couldn't forget to take my last belly pic:

Right when they put him on me...Tyler got this picture when I delivered Cayden too. These are the sweet moments I never want to forget! [cue the tears again--maybe I should have waited until I was less emotional to write this ;)]

I got to watch Tyler and Bennett's nurse give him a bath. So special!

Tyler being a daddy <3

Tyler's parents meeting him for the first time:

The grandmas:

My parents first meeting him:

Us & Tyler's parents:

Us & my parents:

My second born:)

The three of us:

Bennett Elijah Hobbs, July 17, 2013 @ 1:03am

Christy meeting Bennett. Her and our parents were awesome for waiting around the hospital for 6+ hours...in the middle of the night.

All clean after his bath:

Cayden came to visit us at the hospital the next morning!!

Introducing the two boys:

Bennett's ID card on his "crib".

About 7 hours old :)

Eating his chik fil a:

The hospital had a photographer come take pictures in our room and she got the most adorable picture of Tyler holding Bennett. Look how little he is next to Tyler's hands!! I can't wait to get her picture she took.

My nurse and I. Yes, I cried when I said bye to her. #hormonal But seriously, I was so blessed by the 3 nurses I had.

Cayden seeing Bennett at home:

Our "welcome home" sign:

Cayden checking on his brother:

Removing my hospital bracelets...I'm no longer a "fall risk". (Epideral side effects)

Bennett (today) while I write this blog!!